He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
