I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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