Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
