Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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