Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
operation harelip BJ is a go
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
