I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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