i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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