making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
