You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
