dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
