It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
