I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
