do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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