just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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