She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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