no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
