if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
