she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
