I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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