and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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