what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
