Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
