how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
