I wish I could punch you in the face.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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