You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
