i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize