I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
