That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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