I love black thongs
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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