Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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