last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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