he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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