did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
