hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
