Im at strip club and am horny
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
