these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize