Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
