Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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