he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize