i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
