i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
