Why does Corona taste like a burp?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize