i just had sex bonerless
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
