I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well you can't waste a boner
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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