I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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