What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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