Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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