We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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