So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
