Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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