I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
