Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
