he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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