***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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