cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
