he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
