The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize