Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

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(410): View more from Maryland

we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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(519): View more from Ontario

He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.

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(585): View more from New York

Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.

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