i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
