I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
