They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
