is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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