drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize