Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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