Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
