3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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