grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
