dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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