whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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