I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
