remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
