I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
