Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
