Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
