areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
