Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
