it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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