im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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