youre lurking in front of me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
