So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
are you so shy because you have an std?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
