hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
