I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
