the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
