Say something about gay babies.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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